Let it wait

Let it wait

Let us continue to be sweet everyday

Don't tell me how you actually feel for me

I am enjoying our ordinary conversation everyday

which is coated with some sweetness and fondness for each other

The kind of conversation that we could not longer make

once everything is too straightforward

Sometimes

the world we look through a mist

can be a mysterious and lovely scene

Honestly

this is not the easiest way out

For it splits me into two

one side of me wishes to know if I am the one for you

the other is already satisfied with everything that leads up till today

But this is the best resort for us

I don't want anything to ruin everything that is so delicate between us

I do not wish for my happiness bubble to burst

I cherish every moment we keep in contact

I hold dear to this fragile connection with you

So let's just be like this

for now 

:))

What should I do now?

How should I continue like this?

When I am missing you like crazy every single day

When I care for you above anything else

When I think about the distance between us that makes every possibility so bleak

When I know for certain,

that you've occupied my heart and mind

I still keep learning your language

and sometimes I wonder why I had the chance to learn that in the past

I would like to think that I was fated to meet you

And yes, it is fated indeed

but only to cross path with you

in one of the many junctions in my life

I still keep learning your language and listening to those songs

I sometimes wonder what I am holding on to

I ask myself why I am doing all these

How do I expect our story to end?

Will 'us' ever become a reality?

Will I ever be contented with just being a friend of yours?

We're more than just friends, you know it, too!

Sometimes, I regret knowing you

Because thinking of you and our current conditions makes me sad

However, most of the time, I am happy to have met you

Because the joy that surfaces from all the misery

triumphs all the tears I've shed 

conquered the heart that is bleeding with love

transcends space and time...

And this, is worth everything.

Hello.. it's me

I almost forgot the existence of this space

if I didn't crack my head to find a place to express more privately

So here I am again

And this time

I think I am in a kind of state

I would call

'happily troubled'

I think I fell for someone

Or maybe it is just a crush, I'm not so sure

But these I am certain

I am beyond happy chatting with him everyday

My heart flutters at the sight of the chat notification on my phone

His name, x message(s) received

I'd grin so widely as if I've won a grand lottery

I'd feel so euphoric, so elated

just knowing that we are in contact

even before reading what he writes

A simple 'Hi' would instantly light up my day

I could not remember when I last felt so happy everyday because of someone

I could not fathom the reasons I look forward to chat with him

or hear his voice over the phone

I'd think of him most of the time no matter what I am doing

I wish that I could see him in my dream every night when we bid each other good night

I feel so motivated and energised to be a better person

to improve all my flaws

just so that when we meet each other again

I will be at my best state

in all aspects

But I am well aware

that we are most likely not going to be together

He told me that he liked me

but there was no point establishing a long distance relationship

And I have to endure the heartache everytime someone teases him

with another girl

It certainly feels awful in this kind of situation

I have came across a saying,

"Parting is all we need to know of hell"

I knew this no better than anyone

the night you gripped and shook my hand so hard 

the very last moment I laid my eyes on you

before we each flew back to where we were

Right after that, I went back to my hotel room

and cried like a baby

I could not remember when was the last time I wept so hard

Tears were not shed for just a mere sad feeling for leaving a friend

It was then, I realised that I could not help but

develop a fond feeling for you

I don't expect any romantic outcome between the both of us

I will just enjoy the ecstasy of chatting/talking with you while it lasts

And I think our story is beautiful

And you will always

'Exist in my mind, my dream, my heart and my song'

Our song, forever and always

~~★ Two is better than one ★~~

What do I want for myself?

My first relationship is stained

It is full of negative accounts

I have changed since 3 years ago

into someone who is vengeful, stubborn, hypersensitive, impatient, quick to get mad,

judgmental, incapable of forgiving.

I do not care about a lot of things in my life now

I just want out.

My secret dream

My real dream

is to sing for my life

But this is a dream I dare not pursue

for many reasons and doubts

 I think I am born to sing

And as always,

I am waiting to be discovered

And I yearn for opportunities

to hone my singing skills

and to perform

as a singer

...

1st Day at work in 2015

Despite the post title

I ma not going to talk about work here

 

HAPPY 2015!

 

Setting  new year resolutions is so cliche nowadays

And I would say most people did't manage to accomplish what they first set out to do

I do not want to set any resolution for the year

Because I believe "No plan is a good plan"

I just do not wish to put myself in pressure

For there are already a lot to deal with in my relationship

 

Went to a wedding ceremony and banquet of some sort of friends yesterday

Was not touched at all bythe sermons and vows

Because every word in them reminded me of how unprepared I am in the Life

Worse still, someone showed care to me and asked some unwelcomed questions

I didn't really know how to respond

For fear that I would say things that imply I am very far away from the 'standards'

or hurt her with my blunt words

 I walked away when someone of 'authority' came near

I had to walk away

from another set of questions

I do not want to reflect on this kind of topic at this point of my life

when I feel that the institution doesn't really serve any useful purpose

 

I really do not wish to interact with them too much in future

For these people are good in one thing

they never give up on the unsaved or people who stray away

And this quality of theirs annoys me

For I hate people intruding my way of life

Say all they want, about prayer, being committed and patient, worldly gains...

They play around with these words a lot

Not to my surprise anyway

 

I prefer to live life as it is

No fixed plan, no die-die-must-do goals

Just let whatever comes comes its way

 

Now, just waiting for 5pm!!

 



Mandatory/Mainstream Year End Post

Bye 2014!

 

You have been a good year for me

I wouldn't have asked for more

There had been some bizzare incidents/accidents boggling the world

Given that I am not a frequent news reader

I shall not pretend to talk about current issues

Nor will I say I will pray for the world or lost souls

The media is doing a better job

 

Just a time of reflection

Or sumarizing my 2014

Not that I am any superstitious

But I really observe something:

Whenever a year contains a digit 4 in it

Many great things will happen on me

Call them blessings or just pure luck, if you wish

 

Let me just start from my final semester in uni

I was greeted by the best set of results in the beginning of the year

FYP continued to go smooth though laborous

Fixed up some major mess in my relationship

I am more respected and appreciated

I was panicking about job hunting but called up by 2 companies in the end

1 could not accept me as they needed someone who could work asap

Another 1, to my relieve, accepted me after weeks of waiting for the interview outcome

Decent job, decent pay (at least for my major)

Final exam was over and it was time to chill at home

although I have only a month left before working

Communication with dad was still bad

Results were out, not exactly excellent but I was thrilled by the A for my FYP

Back to Singapore, staying in an ex-friend's house

Attended my convocation but not really excited

Because I didn't see graduation as a big thing in life

Just a Bachelor degree cert anyway...

Got some opportunity to try cooking

Realized that I indeed have some flair in culinary

Things didn't go well with the ex-friend aka ex-landlord

Went roon hunting and found one that could make-do

Moving from one room to another

Easily settled down in the new place, a very convenient location to anyway I would go

Working...working..working

Went for a Batam tour

Jay's Concert!! A fantastic experience to finally see him sing live

Jay's new album's out and to my surprise, he proved that he is still the Mando-pop King

Signed up as NLB member

Picked up reading fictions as a passtime

3rd-anniversary buffet dinner at Kuishinbo

Received a beautiful branded watch as present

Upgraded my bags and facial products (Some $$ lost/invested)

Guess that's all the highlights for my 2014

 

2014 was a turning point in my life

From a student to a working person

Much to learn much to improve

in all aspects of my life

But I am glad there were some major achievements in 2014

 

Looking forward to 2015

for the overseas holiday trips planned

also for some achievement in my first job

and forget not for a better relationship with everyone dear in my life

 

Bye 2014!