About challenging myself to facing you...

Hi bloggie (Attn: not-weak-one),

Hey, so I finally had the courage to meet you face to face in the karaoke session. I invited you out, together with other old friends for a hangout and I had to say that this time, I have really overcome the obstacles that I created in my head and heart. I can finally see you, feeling euphoric yet no more uneasy and shy.

The memories with you in the past have their sweet and sour portions but they will never be complete without all the unhappy events. I've learnt to cherish the happy moments we had and accept all the not-so-good pictures without giving too much thought about them.Whatever happened in the past stays in the past. There is no use looking back or even searching for the questions left untapped., for we were once too young to even comprehend what we actually wanted for ourselves, let alone each other. We were innocent and we made mistakes. There was unrequited love from my side but it's not that bad afterall. What more shall I demand? Despite all the bumpy events in our teenage days, our friendship has never been jeopadised! It's not like some other people, they cannot even be friends after the confession from one side. This, our strong friendship, is every reason to be happy when I see you again now and then.

Furthermore, I actually had a very colourful teenage stage with your presence. I experimented love on you for the first time of my life and I learnt a lot from that *Ops!!*. That helps me in my current relationship. Anyway, I just wanted to say I have come to appreciate you in my life. I will still feel excited seeing you after so many years and I know that there's no need to feel inappropriate or even guilty. I should just let joy envelope me, what's wrong with being happy in the presence of a childhood friend who coloured my early life? I know that I am no longer in love with you, so I didn't betray my current boyfriend.

I am actually thankful for the wonderful days in the past. Those are reasons to be happy. Thank you for letting go my silliness and the friendship we are still having =) No more feeling bad listening to Jay Chou's songs. This is yet another achievement unlocked in my personal development. =)

It's always good to be home

Hi bloggie,

I have always told others that the reason i like to be back is not because of the place I stay or the delicious food that others associate this place to. I love coming back because of the people, their company and understanding. It is here that I can be my true self and there is nothing to hide from the people whom I love and love me. I am most comfortable in this state because I know that I do not have to earn others' love and compassion. Here, I have loyal family and childhood friends.

I had a sisterly session with two of my buddies today at one of their houses. We had dinner and a catch-up session, talking mainly about relationships. We had new confessions and share dark secrets as though we were in some underground meeting. Anyway, we felt so happy and we cherished each other's company because we know that no matter how ugly our personal secrets might be, nothing affects our friendships because they were based on trust and love. We only want each other to live a happy and healthy life.

The happy session was also made complete with the presence of my friend's puffy guinea pig and this new beverage that we ought to try out:

Not bad to me, at least it didn't taste bitter like beer. But my friend thought raspberry reminded her of cough syrup. Well, no one is exactly the same but we have long learnt the value of embracing differences among us =)

Dream

Hi bloggie,

I had a very scary dream yesterday night. I dreamt of myself forgetting the deadline of my thesis submission (30 May) on the next day. The forgetfulness was due to the fact that I skipped school for 3 days since 28 May. I was in total disbelief and panic on 31 May because I knew that late submission would result in a grade lower than what I actually got. I woke up a few times in the night due to panic attack and took a few seconds to realise that I had already submitted by thesis in April long before I came back home. Yet the same dream repeated everytime i went back to sleep. The cycle continued till the midday.

Do I just refuse to write my journal based on my thesis? I think so...

I am back.in.one.piece =)

Hi bloggie,

I have some good news:

I came back home but I am no more who I was. I am glad I completed my 4 years of studies without letting the stress cooked me up. I am happy that I am happier than I was, just a year ago. I am thrilled that I am now able to love myself more and set my mind along the right path. I am grateful that I can better manage my emotions and life. I thank God for all mercies that He has shown me.

While I was feeling that my life was in order, I am glad that again, I am challenged to become a happier person. It's the funny feeling that I don't know how to describe whenever I bump into you. It is neither sadness nor jealousy, neither heartache nor hatred. All I know is that you have really left a big impact in my life and this is a fact. Nothing changes that.

But this time, I am motivated to find a cure to this uneasiness. I know I have to manage this in order to be with you without feeling awkward.

Oh well, why am I writing about this? I admit that sometimes I am searching for meaningless answers because I don't even know what is the root cause of all these hassles. Ah! I should get some quality sleep and do something more productive. Chaos!!